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  More than that he wanted to fix everything for her. He wanted to save her. But it felt like they had so little to talk about because he hadn’t been to the movies in years, a little television here and there, but mostly he read books and magazine articles, usually at the library where he studied things, other people, as well. He thought of one topic but stopped himself because it might be rude so he tried to think of something else but when he couldn’t he decided to go back to his initial thought.

  “So how are things with your father?” Simon asked.

  “He’s okay. He’s still in jail. I talked to his lawyer who said that the D.A. is offering prison time, drug rehab, and probation.”

  “That sounds pretty serious,” Simon replied.

  “He’s kind of getting off easy, but he is a pillar of the community because he owns his a business.” Heather squinted as she looked off in the distance while she took a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. She took one out, a clove cigarette, and lit it. “He had a controlled substance in his possession at the time of the accident. If he named the person who sold it then he might get less but he’s not talking. That’s probably why he’ll get prison time, six months maybe, I’m not sure. He’ll probably serve less with good behavior but after that there will be rehab and probation. That’ll mean monthly visits, random drug tests, and who knows what else.”

  “Prison is terrible,” he said.

  “What, oh,” she said before looking to him. She reasoned out quickly that he was referring to himself, the time he had spent on probation.

  “I forgot you went to prison,” she said.

  “Juvenile detention, so it wasn’t as bad I guess. Everything was very rigid with schedules and everything. You kind of almost felt protected there but if you turned your back on someone for one second...”

  “What?”

  “The other guys, they were just, they’d slap you on the back of the head, grab your ass or pinch you. If they had something in their hand then they’d hit you with it. The guards didn’t mess with you, not really, but they were always trying to get you to trust them and then they’d rat you out. I never trusted them but I knew a few people who did and they got in serious trouble. There were always rumors of guards having sex with the other guys there but it didn’t seem true. Maybe they’d check you out in the shower, especially if you needed personal supervision because you were getting out of solitary or you threatened to kill yourself but it didn’t seem possible. There were always someone watching everyone else, like a big conspiracy.”

  “I’m sorry. That sounds horrible.”

  “Do the crime then do the time,” he said.

  She winced at his use of a cliche and put her cigarette butt out on the bottom of her shoe.

  “Just throw it anywhere,” he said.

  She tossed the butt out into the grass and went back to hugging her knees. He looked to her as she sat there, examined her form, the shape of her thighs. There wasn’t much to see by the way she sat but he liked the way her hair lay on her shoulders, down over her back, the way she looked serious and confident.

  “He’s not really my cousin,” Simon said.

  She looked to him.

  “Conrad, he’s not really my cousin. I know him from juvie. I think he’s on the run or something.”

  She furrowed her brow.

  “Really?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. He just showed up at random and he keeps talking about leaving.”

  “Were you guys close?”

  “Not really, but we kind of got along. We were roommates for a long time. We only ever got in one real fight.”

  “What was that about?”

  “He was jerking off and I told him to stop.”

  “I’m going to need more than that,” she said.

  “We were going to sleep in our own beds and he started, you know, and I could hear him. I told him to quit and we start arguing about it. Next thing I know he’s out of bed and he starts hitting me. He’s like really going at it. I kick him away and we start fighting. We made such a racket. We’re hitting each other and I thought the guards would come in any minute but they didn’t. After that we were cool, you know. We kind of respected each other.”

  “Did he stop masturbating?”

  “Not really but he was quieter about it,” Simon said.

  She let out a nervous laugh and he laughed back. They smiled at each other before she reached into her pocket and pulled out another cigarette. She offered one to him but he refused.

  “I don’t smoke,” he said.

  “This is a sometime thing when I’m stressed.”

  “That’s cool,” he replied.

  She lit the cigarette and looked back out into the field behind the house.

  “Sometimes life feels like a prison, especially in this town.”

  “I don’t like to think about it,” he said.

  “Don’t you ever want to get out of here?”

  “All of the time but I can’t. I have my mother and we don’t have much money. I was never able to get a job in town and I’m not sure what it would be like out of town. I guess I could go to college or something but it seemed too difficult. I don’t really like school. We had classes inside that were kind of like high school.”

  “So you’ll never leave? What about selling this house?”

  “We might get something for it. It’s paid off. But then what do I do? Where do I go? I’m not going to run to Hollywood or some city and expect it all to work out. People who do that end up sucking dick under a bridge somewhere.”

  She laughed which meant he could laugh at his own joke. He liked her. She had a dark sense of humor. He thought she might by the way she dressed in dark clothes but he also thought that like most women she might also try to embarrass him.

  “Don’t you want to get out of here? Don’t you hate it here? I do.”

  “Sometimes,” he said. “Sometimes I want to leave at all costs. Everything seems so big and out of control that I feel like I’m drowning but it usually goes away.”

  “How do you make it go away?”

  He looked to her and she looked back. They stared each other in the eye and he winced. He wanted to confess everything to her, explain each last detail of the fantasy, no fantasies, he had constructed.

  “How do you do it? How do you live in this house? How do you live in this town? I work everyday but I’m just getting by so I don’t see how different it would be out there in the real world, except I might have more friends and be happier.”

  That was her plan, he thought, or part of plan, to just run away and go work somewhere. His was so much better. He wanted to give it to her. She would think he was a hero. He could save her.

  “I have a plan,” he said.

  She smiled.

  “Is that all I get?”

  “Well, maybe that I have some money saved and I’ve been looking at places to move to but I never had a reason to do it.”

  “But no major city?”

  “Too expensive,” he said.

  “I can live with that,” she said.

  They had shared secrets. They had embarked on a conspiracy, no a friendship. He shifted and felt the weight of the messenger bag on his shoulder.

  “Oh, I almost forgot. I have a gift for you. I wanted to give it to you at the coffee shop. That’s why I went there.”

  “And here I thought it was the coffee,” she said.

  He smiled and opened his bag. He reached inside and pulled out a rectangular box that was wrapped in part of a brown paper bag with a purple ribbon tied around it. He handed it to her and she took it. She stuck her feet down on the step, set the package in her lap, carefully removed the ribbon but found herself unable to open the brown paper as he had taped down any opening so it wouldn’t tear.

  “Here,” he said.

  He pulled a knife from his pocket and thumbed it open, handed it to her. She took the knife and cut open the paper, ripped it away until she found a wooden box with glass fro
nt. Inside the box she saw one the butterflies she had been seen in the parlor. She ran her hand over the glass, felt the wooden edges. It was a unique gift, something she had found so beautiful. She looked to him as he stared back happy and biting his lip.

  Chapter 14 - You and Me

  Kevin walked around the parlor simultaneously interested and disturbed by the preserved corpses. Even though they were dead it seemed cruel somehow to keep them here, or even to have killed them just for this purpose, he thought, especially the butterflies even though they have very, very small brains.

  Conrad stepped into the room carrying a tray with drinks. He stopped by the coffee table and watched Kevin who was deep in contemplation.

  “What’s up?” Conrad asked.

  “This is messed up,” Kevin said.

  “Kind of a little bit,” Conrad said.

  “I’m not sure what to make of it. The butterflies are the worst because it’s like a person shouldn’t be allowed to capture, kill, and preserve such beautiful things.”

  “Then what’s art?” Conrad asked.

  Kevin smiled at the thoughtful observation. He didn’t think someone as cute as Conrad could be so witty, possibly insightful.

  “Lemonade right?” Conrad asked.

  “Yeah,” Kevin said.

  He walked back to the couch where he picked up the drink and took a sip. Conrad sat and looked up at him trying to telepathically invite him to sit. When Kevin looked like he was about to walk away again Conrad stopped him and motioned him to sit. Kevin sat beside him, drank some more lemonade before he set the glass back on the tray.

  “So formal,” he observed.

  “I thought it might work for this house and this room. I never thought he had it like this you know.”

  “What? I thought he was your cousin.”

  Conrad looked away. He had been caught and easily too. He bobbed his head from side to side.

  “We’re kind of cousins,” he said. He looked to Kevin who eyed him suspiciously. “Okay, we’re more like blood brothers. We met when we were in juvenile detention together. We were roommates most of the time.”

  “Oh,” Kevin said. He raised an eyebrow.

  Conrad found himself thinking fast, trying to come up with some lie to cover himself. He wanted to be sympathetic, likable.

  “I was in there on some drug charges, dumb stuff really. I was experimenting. I had it kind of rough because I got picked on for being gay.” There, it was out. He had confessed, now he just had to confirm. “I guess I thought I could escape my life with drugs. I was pretty messed up but I took some classes inside. I learned about addiction and got sober. It’s been like eleven years.”

  “Wow,” Kevin said. As worried as he was about the juvenile detention he was sympathetic for that one simple fact of being gay. Besides, he could have ended up there himself, for fighting no less, he told himself, though he could justify that. He picked up the glass of lemonade to keep himself busy. He put the glass to his lips.

  “So, how about it? Are you gay?”

  The question made Kevin almost spit up his drink but he managed to hold it back in his mouth. He set the glass down, wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

  “Sorry what?” Kevin asked.

  “You heard me. I kind of got this vibe from you in the coffee shop the other day like you were cruising me. I would have cruised you back more but I was with Simon and the gay stuff kind of weirds him out.”

  “Wow, you’re very forthright.”

  “I don’t waste time. So how about it? Are you gay?”

  “Yeah, I am. I’m gay.”

  “Good, because I kind of felt there was a vibe between us. You and me, we could have some fun together.”

  “Uh, I’m not sure where this is going. I wasn’t cruising you in the shop. I mean, maybe I was looking at you because I thought you were cute but that was it.”

  “You think I’m cute?”

  Kevin let out a sigh. He was caught in his own words, words that he had spit out to try and lessen and deflect a attention.

  “Well, yeah, I mean at the coffee shop and you were new so, you know.”

  “You were checking me out. That’s basically cruising if you throw in some intention behind it like wanting to get me in the bathroom or take me home with you.”

  Kevin shook his head.

  “That wasn’t what I was looking for. Besides I kind of have a boyfriend.”

  “Really? There’s gay dick in this town after all? Here I thought I’d have to take my chances to find some lumberjack bear or something. What’s he like? Is he younger or older than you? Is it someone in high school?”

  “No,” Kevin said. He stopped himself from saying more.

  “So you have a boyfriend but you won’t tell me about him which means he’s probably older, probably in the closet. Does he have a wife? Does he have a kid? Are you cheating with a married man?”

  Kevin shook his head. He felt his cheeks flush and he forced himself to his feet. He walked away, turned and faced his interrogator.

  “He’s not in high school. He doesn’t have a kid. And no he’s not cheating.”

  “But he’s older? That’s cool, I’ve dated older guys. One was a real sugar daddy and used to buy me all of these different underwear, designer stuff too. My last boyfriend was older too, he’s married and has kids. He’s cheating on his wife. That’s part of why I’m out here.”

  “What? She found out and you had to run for it?”

  “Uh yeah, something like that. It got kind of messy. That’s the past though and this is the present. I’m a little disappointed you have a boyfriend though. Is it a committed relationship?”

  “Uh, yeah, we’re committed,” Kevin answered.

  “So depressing, being so young like you are when you get older there’s less opportunity. You can’t keep up. I always tell myself that.”

  “He does just fine,” Kevin said.

  “Aw, that’s so cute,” Conrad replied. “I need a good lay. Do you know of anyone else? Can you set me up with anyone?”

  Kevin thought about it for a moment. Maybe Thad had a friend but Kevin was reluctant to even mention the idea. Conrad was rough trade, didn’t want to be in a relationship, maybe even used older men.

  “So what is with Heather? Was she your fag hag in high school?”

  “I hate that term, but yeah we knew each other in high school.”

  “So when did you come out?”

  “High school, it was kind of a big deal. Not that it was mentioned in the newspaper or anything but just, there were these boys. They attacked me and I fought them off. They actually kind of ended up injured from it. There was this whole big deal for a while but because they were attacking me it kind of fell apart. We all could have ended up in juvenile detention.”

  “You could have been my new roommate.”

  Kevin rolled his eyes despite just having the same thought. He wasn’t comfortable with Conrad and he didn’t feel like admitting anything. He rubbed his hands over his knees and cleared his throat.

  Conrad stood up and said, “hey I have to go take a leak but I’ll be right back”, then headed out of the room and down the hallway. Kevin looked after him for a moment before turning his attention back to the lemonade.

  Conrad walked down the hallway to the bathroom where he stepped inside, used the toilet, washed his hands, splashed some water on his face, dried off and stepped back out with renewed enthusiasm. He was about to go back to Kevin when he had a thought to go check on Simon and Heather to see if they were more entertaining and there was something else they could be doing like getting something to eat. He walked to the back porch and saw them there talking. He slipped up to the partially open door and listened. He heard Simon say, “I have a plan” and decided to wait and listen.

  Chapter 15 - Date Night

  A date, Simon told himself, a date with a girl, no a woman. He tried to not think about it too much as he stood in front of her door. He had almost given up
hope for such a prospect, at least while he lived here in this town. He thought he’d have to run away, start over somewhere else and maybe then he’d get the chance, but no she had invited him for a date at her house. It was after he had given her the gift and she said she wanted to thank him, invited him on a date but they agreed there was no good restaurant in town, no place they would feel comfortable as a couple. He had thought to invite her to his house but the thought of his mother kept the invitation at bay until finally she spoke and invited him to her place. She said it wouldn’t be formal but that she’d cook something or else order delivery.

  “As long as it’s not pizza,” he joked.

  “Agreed,” she said, “Pizza is a terrible date food.”

  They smiled at each other and the deal was made. Despite her saying that it wouldn’t be anything formal he decided to get her another gift, roses, that he clutched behind his back. He dressed in his best black button down shirt and on Conrad’s advice a red bow tie. Conrad had also advised him to take it easy.

  “It’s different with girls,” he said. “They’re not like guys. Most guys are just interested in sex, some kind of conquest. With girls you have to wine and dine them. It’s rare you’re going to do anything on the first date so don’t expect anything. If you’re lucky enough to get a second and third date don’t expect anything then either. Just play it cool. If anything play hard to get but if she starts getting touchy feely, holding your hand and stuff don’t get grabby. If anything let her take the initiative.”

  Simon stared at the two of them in the mirror as he stood trying to adjust his tie so it was even. He hated the thought of all the little signals, all of the expectations, and the disappointment. He had only ever known sadness when it came to women, diminished expectations.

  The front door opened and Heather stood on the other side with one hand still holding onto the door. She was also dressed for a date in her favorite black dress, a silver necklace with a cross and another with a pentacle. She smiled and invited him inside, closed the door behind him. He shifted the rose around his body away from her until he was inside and he turned on her, offered her the flower.